Archive for May, 2008
Carb Day (Friday)
Headed out to the track around noon with Jason and Adam to check out the Carb Day activities. What’s more fun than a couple thousand drunk people, stuck outside in the pouring rain, eagerly awaiting a Stone Temple Pilots concert, right? It was a pretty fun crowd, although not nearly as fiesty as the Kid Rock crowd from Carb Day ’07. Saw the typical drunken pushing matches, chicks showing The Girls for some beads, cops shooting bean bags at people, and a few pot smokers in the crowd. Got a BIG kick out of the 50-something y/o guy in a nylon running suit rockin’ out to STP. Even with the rain and cancelled racing activities, people overall still seemed really into the festivities — the mood wasn’t at all dampened by the weather.
May Day Concert (Saturday)
Saturday found Jason & I having a late afternoon drink (or two.. three??) with Nana, Mary, and Bobby at the pub. It’s kinda like one of those activities where you’ll drop everything to go hang out with them because it’s always a laugh riot. Discovered a new, amazing drink @ the pub.. UV Blue Vodka with Lemonade (Thank You, Bobby!) — YUM!! Afterwards, we got a late start up to the May Day Concert (X103) at Verizon Music Center, where we listened to some pretty awesome bands, ate expensive nachos, and took funny pictures out of boredom. Even when we’re bored, we find a way to have a damn good time. Decided to head out of the concert a little early so that we could go find some prime camping real estate at the track — where we discovered that a little Hoosier hospitality and sweet-talking could get you a really decent overnight parking spot for only $14!!! (Reg price: $30-$75 depending on location!). We camped out in the back of my ‘Scape, which quite actually is fairly comfortable… however my car now reeks like a campfire. There were lots of activities going on Sat nite (drinking, singing, people-watching, fireworks, etc) but we were so tired that we called it a nite pretty early. I remember waking up at one point and hearing all kinds of people singing along with a guitar, and it was just beginning to get light out… Yes, they were still going strong at 5am! Which leads us into Sunday…
Indianapolis 500 Mile Race (Sunday)
The Greatest Spectacle in Racing was upon us, and Bobby & Sam met us early for some pre-9am drinking and cornhole. We headed out to the 3rd Turn Infield to partake in the activities, and met some fun southsiders with a tremendous affection for humor. And large fake penises. (See photo). The morning flew by and eventually we made our way to our seats just outside of Turn 4. The best part of the day is obviously the goosebump-laden pre-race ceremonies… Flo Henderson, Taps, Jim Naybors, the National Anthem, the Flyover, and Mary Hulman-George giving the ultimate command: “Gentlemen, START YOUR ENGINES!” Ahhh, just thinking about it brings back the goosebumps!! However. There was one event during the race that might possibly have topped Mary with its awesome-ness. Yes, I’m talking about Ms. Danica Patrick going to whoop-a$$ on a very deserving Mr. Briscoe. Her response to his stupidity in pit lane absolutely made the day. I just wish the PR people hadn’t intervened. It would have been the highlight of my year to see her put him in his place.
Memorial Day (Monday)
So the Day of Recuperation was more like the Day of Food & Games. Went to a family cookout (or “cookIN”… whichever) and spent the grand majority of the day chatting, eating, and playing all kinds of good, clean family games (no, NOT some ol’ fashioned games, Bobby! Sorry!). It was great fun, and actually pretty relaxing… but I was EXHAUSTED by the time we headed home. Didn’t take long for my head to find the pillow and I completely zonked out.
I look at you as if looking into a mirror. What I see in you is what I feel inside me. My heart, my soul is there looking back at me. Is it that you’re the mirror image of me? Are we one heart and soul split between two bodies? Everything I am and want to be I see in you. Is this love, or is it something more? There isn’t a word that can describe what this is. It’s terrifying, gratifying, beautiful, unclear, amazing, draining, perfect, shocking, fulfilling, risky, unfathomable, delicious, foggy, confusing, overwhelming, simple, complex, illogical, and completely sensical. All at the same time.
Thank you.. for letting me be who I am and say what I feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. You matter… more than my heart & soul can ever comprehend.
Tonight Bobby and I took Nana and Mary downtown to see the canal and new football stadium, and drove past the new urban mural on Madison Ave. We cooked up the idea while at dinner and basically gave Nana and Mary no other option than to hop in and ride along.
It was really cool because Nana had been wanting to see all the different memorials and monuments along the canal, and Mary hadn’t been downtown in YEARS. It was fun to point out things to them that most people don’t know about, but even cooler for me to see all the kinds of things that caught their attention. I’m so used to working downtown that I don’t always pay attention to all the gorgeous architecture, unique businesses, and the just general beauty of downtown Indianapolis. We really do have a pretty town. It was really cool to see it through Nana & Mary’s eyes.
Sometimes things will set me off, and I’ll be completely livid for about an hour. Then I become depressed about it. Then I get indifferent, and finally settle on determination. It’s determination to be true to myself, to fight for what is fair. Determination to hold people accountable, and overcome hardships.
The time I spend emmersed in negative feelings eats up time that I should be using on building a new life. The negative emotions I had during my marriage go haywire thanks to the divorce, and rather than seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I’ll get focused on the ugliness.
I’m working so hard to be positive and move forward. It takes so much emotional commitment to do this, and I feel like I’ve been making great strides. But if I spend hours during the day consumed with thoughts of resentment and hatred toward my ex, I don’t have time for other more productive thoughts and actions to arise. This is true for life in general, not just divorce: If we use up all our energy with negativity, we have no room for the much-needed positive thoughts.
I’d say that I’m positive and happy-go-lucky 92.3% of the time. Yes, I picked a random number, but it’s probably pretty accurate. That will grow even closer to 100% over time. For now, it’s a really difficult up-hill battle, and I probably need yoga or something to help me cope and relax… but I feel like I’m going to make it. A little bruised, but complete, positive, and HAPPY.
Life just feels so right. I’m amazingly content with how things are going. Sure, I’m changing directions in basically every area of my life… but there’s some peace, balance, and contentment under it all that proves to me that the choices I’m making are the “right” ones.
I’m so glad that I’m taking the time to treasure each second of the day, and each facet of my relationships. The best decision I have made was that I stopped controling my emotions — you can’t stop loving or wanting to love because when its right, it’s the best thing in the world. When you’re in a relationship and it’s good, even if nothing else in your life is right, you feel like your whole world is complete.
I feel pretty complete. Very content. Supremely happy. Highly treasured. Unconditionally loved.
I had one of the greatest weekends — my weekends are usually pretty awesome, and this one was no different. I got to spend time with ALL of my favorite people, at the same time! =) I got caught up on sleep, hung out with my family, cuddled on the couch with my favorite guy, and just truly enjoyed the drama-free time.
Peace and harmony are back in place! I think I need to do a better job of remembering the decision I’ve made about living in the moment, and just going with what feels right. I knew when I made that decision that there would obviously be speed bumps along the way, and that’s all part of the experience. With the good, you always have some things that aren’t so good. It’s all about balance, and having faith that the pieces will fall into place eventually.
A few months ago, my dear friend Brett told me that in order to achieve success, you must navigate through failure. You can’t bypass it, avoid it, or be scared to deal with it. You must make mistakes, make bad decisions, and know what failure feels like so that you can learn from it, readjust, and continue on your path to success.
I need to remember that YES, history can repeat itself, but that I’m stronger and smart enough now to navigate rough waters and keep myself from falling back into the life I was living. I’ve experienced the pain and failure, know what it’s about, and know that just because it happened once doesn’t mean it’s going to happen again. Have some faith, Kristin, geez!!!
So here’s to taking risks, professionally & personally, and loving the experiences you gain along the way!
It’s amazing that I literally JUST blogged about being in the Waiting Game yesterday… and then had a request to be put on Standby. All I can say is “Really?!?!” Why has every guy I’ve ever cared about treated me like a “nice to have” or convenience item?? When is it ever OK to be on someone’s back-burner? Who is really OK with being told: “look, there are cool things I want to do, but if that doesn’t work out I’ll hang out with you.”?
No thanks — I spent 10 years on the back-burner and hated life because of it. It is the #1 reason why I was so unhappy in my marriage… and I think I’ve made that point pretty public over the past few years… I don’t like coming in 3rd or 4th in your life. I don’t like being the fallback plan when there is nothing better to do. I’m not just an option.