Sometimes things will set me off, and I’ll be completely livid for about an hour. Then I become depressed about it. Then I get indifferent, and finally settle on determination. It’s determination to be true to myself, to fight for what is fair. Determination to hold people accountable, and overcome hardships.
The time I spend emmersed in negative feelings eats up time that I should be using on building a new life. The negative emotions I had during my marriage go haywire thanks to the divorce, and rather than seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I’ll get focused on the ugliness.
I’m working so hard to be positive and move forward. It takes so much emotional commitment to do this, and I feel like I’ve been making great strides. But if I spend hours during the day consumed with thoughts of resentment and hatred toward my ex, I don’t have time for other more productive thoughts and actions to arise. This is true for life in general, not just divorce: If we use up all our energy with negativity, we have no room for the much-needed positive thoughts.
I’d say that I’m positive and happy-go-lucky 92.3% of the time. Yes, I picked a random number, but it’s probably pretty accurate. That will grow even closer to 100% over time. For now, it’s a really difficult up-hill battle, and I probably need yoga or something to help me cope and relax… but I feel like I’m going to make it. A little bruised, but complete, positive, and HAPPY.