Archive for July, 2008


They always say hindsight is 20/20. I don’t know who “they” are, but I’ve heard the saying a time or two. I think we’ve all experienced just how true that is at one point or another. But the powerful thing about hindsight is also the hardest to hold onto – you have to actively learn from it, and actually use that knowledge to make the better decision next time around.

In my first serious relationship, I spent a lot of time telling people why I was with him. I’d tell people that I loved him. I say why he was “the one”. I did a lot of talking, I guess, and looking back, I think I felt like I had to do all this explaining because in reality he wasn’t “the one”. My friends and family couldn’t see the bond we shared. They didn’t see how much we loved each other, and didn’t see why we’d want to be together. Did they not see it because maybe it wasn’t there?

I think from now on I’m going to put a lot of stock into this. When friends and family can see something (like how I feel about someone) without me having to tell them about it, I’m going to take that as confirmation that I’m thinking, feeling, and doing the right thing.

I’m not going to base all of my actions on what other people see or believe, but I am going to actively try not to explain away my feelings and actions in order to force it into reality. Things need to develop at their own natural pace, and if it’s real, everyone will know it and support it whole-heartedly.


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Choose Your Attitude!

Do you know where you spend nearly 25% of your time every week?  Add in the time it takes to get ready and drive in, and you’re spending almost 30% of your week on work.  This is a lot of time!!  For some people, it’s even more than 30% per week.  If we’re going to spend that much time somewhere, we should at least enjoy it a little bit, right?

Some of you might be saying, “Yeah, but my job SUCKS.”  Well, OK.  Not all jobs are pleasant. Or creative. Or fun, innovative, and exciting.  We can’t all be Kelly Ripa or Oprah.  If you’re truly not aligned with the job you’ve got, find a new one.  But for most of us, the main reason for working is to put food on the table.  So why not make the best of it?
One of the first lessons of the FISH Philosophy from the World-Famous Pike Place Fish Market is “Choose Your Attitude”.   There is always a choice about the way you do your work, even if there is not a choice about the work itself.
If you’ve never hear of Pike Place Fish Market, read about it.  Google it, or YouTube it.  Being a fish-monger isn’t glamourous or exciting, but these people wanted to create something different.  They wanted a place they could have fun at, but more importantly a place where they could make their customers’ day!  The guys at Pike Place decided to change their attitudes about work and make it fun & meaningful, regardless of how smelly, yucky, or messy fish can be.
You can come to work with a moody attitude, and have a depressing day. Or you can come to work with a sunny attitude, and have a wonderful day!  It’s your choice!!

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About Me, revisited.

Sometimes I like to read (and re-read) the “About Me” I wrote for Facebook. I know, I know. It’s lame. But it puts things back into perspective for me. I like to keep a close eye on my roadmap, so that I don’t ever forget who I am, where I’m going, and how I’m going to get there. Obviously those things change over time, so I tweak this every-so-often.  Here’s the latest and greatest:

I tend to laugh often, make friends easily, and love unconditionally. I’m “Nana-tized” and proud of it. I speak Chinese. I like to write out my thoughts and then file them away for pondering on another day. I love to travel. I’m a closet romantic with a secret addiction to sappy chick flicks and trashy romance novels. I’m currently obsessed with getting my hands on whatever Leadership books I can find. I ADORE MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS. I hate talking on the phone and receiving voicemails. I like to believe that I’m a clean-freak, but my messy bedroom says otherwise. I’m not a mean person, but I’m honest, and sometimes the truth hurts. I’m random and have the oddest sense of humor. I’m a blogger and picture-taking addict. I’ve found that I’m totally sleep-deprived because the one thing I hate most in the world is sleeping alone. Depending on my mood, I believe in soul mates. I have boundary issues. I love learning new things. I keep up on celebrity gossip. I crave meaningful relationships and sharing my life with others. Katie is my BF4L and Jason is my favorite person in the world. I believe the best lessons are learned when you fall the hardest. I believe love is a behavioral choice, not an emotion. I love drinking champagne. Airports amuse me. I get overwhelmed and intimidated much too easily for my own liking. Life has given me the pleasure being on Cloud 9, and despair of being at the lowest of lows. I want to live abroad, preferably in San Pedro, Belize. I plan to write a book – topic undiscovered. I’d love to be a leadership educator at a university. If I put all of my 2008 travel miles together, I’ve nearly flown around the world.

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Keeping it Real

Whew!  Things really should be slowing down, but like always, life is insanely full.  I have 2 research papers due this week.  I’m taking a creativity break from one to wrote this post, and then I have to spend at least the next 4 hours on them.

This weekend I’m moving into my own place.  I absolutely cannot wait.  There are a lot of great things about living on your own (as well as some scary things…), and I can’t wait to enjoy all of them.  Last Saturday I stocked up on a bunch of things I needed for the apartment: vacuum, lamps, sheets, towels, cleaning stuff, etc.  It was so much fun to pick out all the things that I wanted, and to go with my own style.  The only thing I have left to buy is a TV stand.  That’s not exactly mission critical, since I have a nice shelf that the TV currently sits on, and can stay on for the time-being.
After I move, I’m taking Monday off so that I can start cramming for finals (which are on Tuesday and Thursday! eeek!).  So as of today, I have 2 weeks left for this semester, and then 1 more semester until I’m a MASTER in Business Administration.  That means I know it all.  HA!  Or something.  I forget which 2 classes I’m taking this fall, but I know one is marketing.  I also know that both classes involve a lot of out-of-class work & assignments.  So I’m not very excited.  Also, I don’t have either class with Keith, so I don’t know who’s going to do all of my homework!!  🙂  haha  All I know is, I’m off to Belize as soon as classes are over!
So anyway, even tho I’m almost done with this semester I still have a whole lot going on.  In August I’ve got a trip to Cedar Point, Boston, and maybe Vegas.  I’ve also got Katie’s bridal shower and bachelorette party.  September is always hectic — there’s only about 100 birthdays and Katie’s wedding to deal with! 😉  As it stands right now, October appears to be unscheduled.  So far.  Lord only knows what will pop up.
There are things I want to get accomplished on a personal level, too.  Wonder when I’ll have time.  I want to speak @ church on Servant Leadership and “Living Above the Line”, I have a TON of books I want to read, I want to have at least 1 dinner party per month, and I want to voraciously attack Jason’s movie collection and watch every movie that I haven’t seen yet.  I want to work on my “Think Global, Act Local” idea (don’t steal it, please!), and I want to figure out how I’m realistically going to either a) move to Belize, or b) go to grad school for a PhD in Leadership Education.
Oh, and I want to write a book.
You know me, only the simple things!

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Thought Experiments, Part 2

Man! I’m still struggling here, folks.  I don’t know why I feel so stalled right now.  I’ve been pondering all kinds of topics for the past few weeks, and I just can’t seem to shake any of them.  One of my biggest issues right now is that I need to let things just go.  I find myself wanting to control or force relationships and situations, so I need to work very hard at just letting things play out at their natural pace.

Here’s something interesting that I learned about myself today: (actually, I already knew this about myself, so technically I re-learned this..) I compartmentalize my life.  And I’m really good at it!  My professional life is completely separate from my personal life and personal is separate from school. There are times when they overlap, but even then I keep things separate.  It bothers me to have gray matter between personal, professional, school, etc.  So maybe that’s why I’ve been feeling stalled out lately.  I’m sifting through the gray matter, trying desperately to compartmentalize.

One issue that had been plaguing me was the living situation. Now that it is figured out, I’m feeling really good about it.  I knew that I needed to get my own space, but kinda got sidetracked for a few days by a silly desire to send things with Jason into overdrive.  I’m so not ready to live with someone, especially a guy, again.  I had made a promise to myself months ago that I wouldn’t live with a boyfriend until we were well on our way down the aisle.  And since I’m not all that certain that marriage is in my future… I might just live on my own for the next 70+ years.
Ah, marriage. That’s another thing that’s been on my mind lately.  I had initially sworn it off.  I didn’t want to go through that heartache again.  Also, I really don’t know if I have the ability to do the career thing AND be a good enough wife. I sucked it up the first time, and I’d like to believe I learned from it… but I dunno.  Marriage is a whole lot of emotion and dependence that can be totally awesome… and then completely devastating when you fail at it.  Being with someone in that capacity again will be hard for me.  I see it as a big risk, and I think it will take a lot of trust and blind faith for me to go for it again… if asked.  I’d have to have a lot of confidence and faith in myself, which honestly just isn’t there right now.  But, I have a special someone that makes my heart tug in a different direction now.  I know that neither of us are anywhere near a trip down the aisle, but he makes me feel like it could be an option for me again.  He makes me feel like maybe I could do it.  And do it right this time.  Realizing that has scared the crap out of me.
OK, so there are two thinking points for you to consider.. more to come.

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Spokane, Entry #1

I’ve made it to the beautiful Northwest!  Just got in my room and the first thing I did was jump online.  Now it’s nap time.  Tales and pix to come!!

9:18 Spokane Time:
The welcome session was great. Pretty simple, yummy food, and mingling. It’s a small group so it’s going to be very easy to get to know people and make connections.  When I got back to my room, I found that my bed sheets had been turned down, and some AMAZING piano music was playing on the radio. I’ve never stayed in such a nice hotel. They attend to EVERY detail before I have a chance to even notice that I need it.  I just checked in today and already my towels, kleenex, toilet paper and complimentary toiletries have been replenished.
I’ve posted some of my photos online. I’ll be adding to the library every day, as I take pix, so check it often.

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99 Things You Love About Me

  1. I’m a September baby.
  2. I’m finishing up my MBA at University of Indianapolis.
  3. I have many siblings.
  4. They are not all full-sibs.
  5. I have 2 older half-brothers.
  6. I spent my first few years in Fountain Square. Whoot Whoot!
  7. I speak Chinese.
  8. I am technically a home-owner.
  9. I was Nana-tized.
  10. I got my first bikini when I could barely walk.
  11. It had a paw print on the butt.
  12. I love Jelly shoes!
  13. But I haven’t owned any since I was probably 5.
  14. I don’t specifically remember life between the ages of 5 and 8.
  15. But I can remember my 2nd birthday party.
  16. It was at Nana’s house.
  17. I got a Fisher-Price Little People house and furniture.
  18. I also got a red Barbie corvette.
  19. My Barbie collection grew rather large over the years.
  20. It once took up an entire bedroom.
  21. I still have it all.
  22. My least favorite food is usually green: veggies, etc.
  23. However, I love drinking green beer for St. Paddy’s Day.
  24. A few years ago, I got a St. Paddy’s Day tattoo.
  25. It’s my Chinese name.
  26. I was with my mom and sister for Family Day at Franklin College when I got it.
  27. I went to Butler for my undergrad.
  28. I am an Alpha Phi.
  29. I wish I hadn’t graduated early.
  30. I love to read books (not textbooks!).
  31. Books are time-thieves — I tend to lose entire days when I start reading a new book.
  32. My most recent book was on Servant Leadership.
  33. I think Servant Leadership is the foundation to any kind of success in life — business and personal.
  34. I wish I was more driven and ambitious.
  35. I’m totally fine with sitting on the couch watching TV for hours on end.
  36. However, I’d prefer an easy-going chat or good book over TV.
  37. I like to hear other people’s thoughts and opinions.
  38. I tend to live in the “gray matter” — I can usually see and agree with both sides of an issue.
  39. I believe in ghosts.
  40. They scare the hell out of me.
  41. I tend to be an independent worker.
  42. However, I desperately need other people around to bounce ideas off of.
  43. When I get lonely, I go shopping.
  44. When I get depressed, I go shopping.
  45. When I get stressed, I go shopping.
  46. Last nite, I went BIG shopping.
  47. My bank account hates me today.
  48. Today I had a LASIK eye surgery consultation.
  49. My lens is too thin to get LASIK, so I have to do PRK instead.
  50. But I can’t afford it right now.
  51. I’m moving into my own place for the first time EVER.
  52. I’ll have tons of closet space.
  53. I’m scared I’ll be really lonely.
  54. I’m extremely sleep-deprived because there’s nothing I hate more than sleeping alone.
  55. But I bought a big new comfy bed, so maybe I can lay off the Ambien for a while.
  56. Ambien is the only serious medication I’ve ever needed to take.
  57. I’m terrified of becoming reliant on it.
  58. I’m also scared of being reliant on another person.
  59. I can’t think of anything else that actually scares me.
  60. That’s not true, I’m scared of being in love with Jason.
  61. I can’t describe why I’m scared of being in love with him.
  62. But I can describe 1 million reasons why I love him.
  63. It’s easy for me to love people.
  64. When I love, it’s forever and unconditional.
  65. I tend to look for the good in all people, and pay very little attention to negative qualities.
  66. That little nugget is what got me divorced.
  67. I miss being married. (Ew. Yuck.  There, I said it.)
  68. However, I do not miss the person I was married to.
  69. I believe from the depth of my soul that marriage is the most beautiful thing 2 people can share.
  70. There’s not a single bad thing I could say about marriage.
  71. I’m not certain I can get married again — I’m torn between needing the security, and being terrified of getting my heart ripped out again.
  72. I also don’t know if I want to raise children.
  73. I think I could be very good at being pregnant, but not so good at the job that follows.
  74. I worry that I can’t be both a successful business woman and an attentive wife and mother.
  75. I know that I’ll have at least 3 careers in life.
  76. I plan on changing careers around age 30, and again at 45.
  77. Until then, I hope to get 5 solid years in at Double-Take.
  78. My new job overwhelms me every second of every day.
  79. The best part about the job is the challenge and the fact that it throws me out of my comfort zone.
  80. It’s really hard for me to leave my comfort zone, even though I actively acknowledge the benefits of pressing the limits.
  81. I’m most comfortable in jeans, a tshirt/sweatshirt, and flip-flops.  
  82. I wear flip-flops year-round.
  83. I got the coolest flip-flops in San Pedro this spring — the toes are covered for easier beach walking!
  84. San Pedro is the one place in the world where I feel like myself.
  85. I traveled there alone to help “find myself”. 
  86. I’m not sure what I found.
  87. I came back feeling refreshed, re-energized, and independent.
  88. 2 months later, I’m feeling really small, naive, and lonely.
  89. I think this means I’m due for another trip to paradise.
  90. If I wasn’t moving into my apartment this month, I could afford to go down to San Pedro in August.
  91. I’ve been offered a job down there for November thru May(ish).
  92. Unfortunately, I can’t afford to take the plunge b/c of all my debt (VISA is the Devil).
  93. I’m on the 5 year plan to have all of my debt paid off, including student loans.
  94. Once complete, I plan on living debt-free for the remainder of my years.
  95. Which means I’ll probably never own a home again.
  96. And I’ll never drive a brand-new car.
  97. I’m OK with living poor now so that I can live richly later.
  98. But that sometimes clashes with my philosophy that we should all live like today is your last day.
  99. I hope that writing about my journey through this life will help other people find peace and happiness, or at least avoid making the same mistakes I have made.